When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
