Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Someone came in the potted fern
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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