I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
