wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
