man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
