Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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