I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize