He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
