she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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