She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
