Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
