I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
