I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
