Christians are straight up FREAKS
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
