DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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