Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
