We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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