I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
