So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
