Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
