I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
