so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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