I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
