my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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