If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
