I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
