I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
