broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
