Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
