I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
