I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Welp...herpes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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