Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize