This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
