You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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