I think im going to throw up on grandma
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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