Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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