We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
