the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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