I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My bed smells like the plague
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