nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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