His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
