I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
