i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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