Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize