Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
