He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize