he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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