You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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