I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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