There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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