And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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