I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
