The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
