last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
