I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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