Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
