hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
