His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
