u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
