"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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