Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
