did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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