onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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