The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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