Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have post one night stand depression
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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