we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
