Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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