____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
