Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
