I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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