Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What a fucking waste of an outfit
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
